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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23568181">Guilty Sadist</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Mumbles/pseuds/Mr_Mumbles'>Mr_Mumbles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dan Vs.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Light Masochism, Light Sadism, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:42:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23568181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Mumbles/pseuds/Mr_Mumbles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A bad fanfiction loosely inspired by a bad song. Mostly comedy, but beware mature and sensitive themes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dan Mandel/Chris Pearson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Guilty Sadist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How was it Chris kept finding himself in terrible, awkward situations? Why was it that he let Dan <strong>drag</strong> him into these terrible, awkward situations? Currently, Chris found himself clad in a rather revealing, and rather ridiculous, leather dominatrix outfit, one that was very obviously meant to be worn by a woman. Which he most definitely was not.</p><p>Perhaps even more distressing, was the fact Dan lay on the bed in front of him, hands handcuffed to the bedposts, wearing only a pair of underwear that were also, very obviously, meant to be worn by a woman. Which Dan certainly was not.</p><p>A ball gag had been suggested, but they’d both decided that Dan’s inhuman ability to gnaw through just about anything rendered such an addition pointless.</p><p>“<strong>Why</strong> are you just <strong><em>standing</em></strong> there? <strong>Hit</strong> me already! Smack me, belittle me, do <strong><em>something</em></strong>!”</p><p>Chris winced.</p><p>“You’ll just get <em>mad at me</em> if I do that.”</p><p>Dan made a frustrated growling noise and rolled his eyes.</p><p>“<em>Fine</em>! <strong>Whip</strong> me then, the flogger is on the nightstand.”</p><p>“<em>Uuhhmmm...</em>” Chris hesitantly picked up the tasseled handle from said nightstand, and gulped. “Do I <em>have to</em>, Dan? None of this feels very <em>romantic</em>.”</p><p>“Yes, you have to, and no, this isn’t <strong>supposed</strong> to be romantic. I <strong>told</strong> you, romance is just a lie sold to us by the industry to peddle their overpriced junk. Abuse if just more believable, more real.”</p><p>Oh, oh that was just sad. If he hadn’t been before, Chris was definitely sad now.</p><p>“<strong><em>Hit me, Chris</em></strong>!”</p><p>“<strong><em>I don’t want to hit you!</em></strong>”</p><p>“Why not?” Dan whined. “You’ve hit me plenty of times before! How is this any different?”</p><p>Ah. And now Chris felt guilty along with feeling sad. Oh, he had so many regrets agreeing to do this.</p><p>“It’s <strong>way</strong> different! For one, you weren’t chained up and could fight back, and also, you kind of deserved it. ... I was upset.”</p><p>There was a momentary pause, and then Chris raised a brow, gaping at Dan, incredulously as a realization dawned on him.</p><p>“Wait ... does that mean you were <em>turned on</em> those times we got into fistfights?”</p><p>“<strong><em>No</em></strong>. Those times I was <strong>angry</strong> and too busy trying to <strong><em>punch your stupid monkey face in.</em></strong>”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“... Maybe a little.”</p><p>“<em>Oh.</em>”</p><p>Silence. It spun out as the two awkwardly stood and lied there.</p><p>“I guess we could skip a few steps and move on to the candles.”</p><p>At this, Chris brightened.</p><p>“Candles? Candles are pretty romantic ...”</p><p>“Pft. Not when used right. The candle and my lighter are in the nightstand drawer. I need you to light the candle, and then wait until it starts to drip, and then--”</p><p>“<strong><em>Dan!</em></strong> I am <strong>not</strong> going to drip hot wax on you!”</p><p>“<em>Aw come on</em>! Why not! I’d do it for you!”</p><p>Chris scowled down at his friend, throwing away the tiny whip he’d still been holding over his shoulder, and in one fluid motion he was unaware he was capable of, he threw a leg over Dan. He was now kneeling on the bed, straddling his best friend’s waist, and for a moment, he swore he saw genuine fear briefly flash through Dan’s eyes, a moment before they glanced away.</p><p>“Are you going to strangle me? If so that’s fine, just be careful. I bruise easily,and I <strong>hate</strong> wearing turtlenecks.”</p><p>Despite Dan’s earlier bravado in the face of potential abuse, he actually shut his eyes tightly and winced when Chris reached a hand toward his face. Instead of hands clenched around his throat, however, gentle fingers caressed along his chin up his jawline, causing him to clamp  his teeth and shiver.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Dan glared up at Chris, who had the gall to smile back down at him.</p><p>“I’m being careful, just like you told me to.” Fingers continued on down to graze against his neck, and he began to squirm, stubborn anger fighting for dominance over something else entirely.</p><p>“That <strong><em>isn’t</em></strong> what I meant...”</p><p>“Dan, have I ever told you that you’re important to me? That I genuinely enjoy spending time with you ... usually?”</p><p>“Chris, <strong>don’t</strong>.”</p><p>“That I care about you and don’t want to see you hurt or suffering?” Chris had brought his other hand up to comb his fingers through Dan’s hair, his other hand now cupping his face while his thumb brushed against his cheek. Chris may not have been a very good sadist, but he could at least admit he was enjoying watching Dan squirm under his gentle touches.</p><p>“<strong><em>STOP THAT!</em></strong>” Chris actually flinched slightly when Dan suddenly yanked against his constraints, causing the headboard to clatter against the wall. “<strong><em>UNCHAIN ME AND I’LL SHOW YOU HOW SADISM IS DONE, YOU WORTHLESS LUMP OFF--</em></strong>”</p><p>“I love you, Dan.”</p><p>“<strong>I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS! I’LL RIP YO-</strong><strong><em>MMPHH!</em></strong>”</p><p>Dan’s angry ranting was drowned out by Chris’ lips against his own. He let out the rest of his pent up frustration in an uneven sigh as he gave in and melted into the kiss. Chris didn’t pull away until he felt the man under him lose all tension. When he did, Dan just looked tired and slightly flushed. Adorable.</p><p>“You just have to suck the fun out of everything, don’t you, you big dodo.” Annoyed, maybe, but all trace of murderous rage was absent from his voice now. Mission accomplished.</p><p>“Huh, now <em>there’s</em> an idea!” Chris replied, pushing himself up and sliding downward. Dan watched him, frowning.</p><p>“What do you mean b- <strong>oh!</strong> <em>Ohh</em>, <strong><em>I</em></strong> see what you did there, <em>pretty clever</em>.” Dan snickered, and lay his head back against his pillow with a sigh, deciding there might just be something to this TLC thing, after all.</p>
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